Stress and the American Dream: Two Peas in a Pod?

ByJohn Mathews, LCSW Posted on Updated on

Stress is a normal part of life — we all experience it to some degree, at least some of the time.

But stress can quickly accumulate and wreak havoc on our well-being if left unchecked. 41% of Americans report experiencing a lot of stress.

A man holding a miniature American flag
Not pictured: A whole lot of baggage

While stress itself isn’t something to run from (at least entirely), it can have serious ramifications for our health and well-being if it piles up.

So, what sort of things stress us out the most?

The Holmes-Rahe Stress Inventory has an answer to that. Psychiatrists Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe compiled a list of the 43 most stressful life events from a sample of 2,500 participants, and ordered them according to intensity:

Holmes-Rahe-Stress-Inventory1
Holmes-Rahe Stress inventory. From www.stress.org

Some of these top stressors are obvious — death of a family member, losing a job. Of course these things are stressful.

But other top stressors may be a bit surprising. The entire list is worth a read, but for the purposes of this article, let’s look at the following, all of which are in Holmes and Rahe’s top 20 stressors:

  • Marriage (#7)
  • Retirement (#10)
  • Pregnancy (#12)
  • Gaining a new family member (#14)
  • Major business readjustment (#15)
  • Major monetary gain or loss (#16)
  • Changing lines of work or promotion (#18)
  • Taking on a mortgage (#20) (The American Institute of Stress, n.d.)

Now, let’s rearrange these items from their order of intensity to the order they might be more likely to appear in an average American life:

  • Marriage
  • Pregnancy
  • Taking on a mortgage
  • Gaining a new family member
  • Changing lines of work or promotion
  • Major business readjustment
  • Major monetary gain
  • Retirement

Sounds like a script for a pretty nice life, doesn’t it? These are all usually considered good things. But this template for the American Dream represents almost half of the top 20 stressors in Holmes and Rahe’s list! Think about that for a second. And this is just the good stuff.

We all have to deal with the bad stuff along the way, too: illnesses, financial strain, relationship problems, deaths of family and friends. With this in mind, it’s easy to see how someone who has ‘ticked off all the boxes’ may still find themselves struggling with burnout, overwhelm, anxiety, or depression.

As it turns out, the American Dream is a major stressor.

To the body, long-term “good” stress and “bad” stress are both still stress

In moderate amounts, stress may not be problematic and in some cases may even be beneficial. A bit of stress before a job interview, for example, may actually be helpful! But chronic stress is another issue altogether — the “good” kind and the “bad” kind can both take its toll on the body (Theimer, 2023). Whenever our worlds are flipped upside down and stay upside down — for good or not so good reasons — our bodies feel it, and while many lifestyle milestones be positive, the stress of these changes can catch up to us.

Physical effects

Often the first sign of stress in the body is muscle tension. Tensing your muscles is intended to provide short-term protection against an immediate danger in the environment, such as an incoming projectile. Muscle tension isn’t supposed to last for more than a few moments. Chronic stress can bring about long-term muscle tension, which can contribute to a host of symptoms physical difficulties.

Respiratory issues, including rapid or shallow breathing, contribute to anxiety and panic attacks. Stress can also tax the cardiovascular systems, making the heart over-work. This can eventually lead to high blood pressure, heart attack, or stroke.

Finally, stress can trigger the production of a natural chemical called cortisol, which puts the body at an increased state of alertness. Again, this may be fine in the short-term, but chronic overexposure to cortisol while eventually causes wear and tear on the body (Mayo Clinic, 2024).

Mental effects

The mind can suffer as well. Researchers have discovered that chronic stress can cause changes to the brain which can contribute to mental disorder. Specifically, chronic stress can impede the brain’s ability to regulate itself (Harvard Health Publishing, 2021).

Brain matter comes in two forms: gray and white. Gray matter consists of neurons that store information, and white matter consists of fatty axons that fosters connectivity between neurons. If the brain is a map, gray matter would be the locations on the map, and white matter would be the road system that helps you get from place to place. Chronic stress can change the ratio of white-to-gray matter, muddling navigation and impeding the brain’s various lobes from communicating with each other.

The importance of self-care

The purpose of this article isn’t to attempt to deter anyone from going after traditional life goals. Many of these goals — marriage, children, retirement, etc.– are present in almost any cultures. Many of them, I’ve done myself! But it is important to recognize that positive events can be extremely stressful, and stress of all stripes can strain our mental health if we aren’t careful. It is just as important to take care of ourselves when the going is good as it is when the going is bad. When you’re in the midst of a major life event, be sure to treat yourself well.

Creating a list of things you enjoy doing is a great way to build a resource for yourself. Relaxation exercises, meditation, and yoga are among the most effective stressbusters (National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health, n.d.)

The internet is an excellent resource for such exercises. There are guided muscle relaxation and deep breathing guides for all time constraints (this three minute exercise is a favorite of mine). These are great ‘front line defenses’ against the physical symptoms of stress.

Further, simply talking with others can be an effective way to mitigate the negative impacts of stress (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, n.d.).

Choose your stressors wisely

Big individual events — marriage, buying a house, having children, starting a business, getting a promotion — often get lumped into one ‘super-achievement’ that we call the American Dream. This is a mistake.

We don’t need to own a house to have a happy partnership, just like we don’t need to have a happy partnership to have a fulfilling career.

Buying a house is stressor, even if it is the American Dream
A toxic relationship?

We don’t need to have a fulfilling career to have children, just like we don’t need to have children to have a happy partnership. Et cetera. These events are only as interconnected as we chose to let them be.

If having children, for example, is a life goal of yours, then the stress of raising children is likely something you’d gladly endure. Maybe, though, you’re not enthused about home ownership. In that case, take a hard look at whether such an undertaking is worth it versus the alternatives.

For that matter, take a close look at all of your spending habits. Are they helping or hurting? Big spending can erode well-being while leaving little gains to your well-being.

Perhaps the American Dream isn’t the only dream worth having.

 Note: The Holmes-Rahe scale is not without criticism. This scale, like most self-report scales, does not allow for the distinguishing between individual differences in response to each scale item.

References:

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John Mathews, LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist with 10+ years of experience. He offers online therapy for residents of Virginia.

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